Frame 16 - I surrender.

Last night I went to see a conversation between Brian Eno and Jon Hassel at the Southbank - London. It was part of the Ether festival. I am a great admirer of Eno and this was the first time I had seen Eno in the flesh. The show was a continuation of a dialogue that both had had over the pat years. The content was varied mainly unscripted. Now to the point of this blog. Surrender. Eno postulated that surrender in its non passive form was experienced in four aspects of life; Sex, Drugs, Religion and Art. It is here that we feel able to let go, drop pretence and wander emotionally and spiritually and perhaps even intellectually. This in the context of art resonated with me deeply. More so as it is something that I have been battling with over the past few months as I try to establish my painting style. This, coupled with a similar discourse on "Understanding what it is that I like", an attempt to identify what we like and hence may be best at, led to a mini epiphany. I have been toying with ideas for paintings and books. Its been a constructive time. Many ideas have been dead ends. But as Eno states, its the dead ends, the failures which steer you inexorably towards the good stuff. We should not be afraid of failure, we should welcome it and use its lessons wisely. And so it was that all I had been struggling with, all that I had failed at, all that I surrendered to, became clear. I was/am on the right track. I awoke this morning and decided to restart a painting I was some way into. It was not right. It was a failure. I have repainted it now and I feel confident it has a better chance of turning out the way I envisaged it.

Above is a chance shot one evening under Waterloo Bridge in London. I think she was waiting for someone - a lover perhaps. Anyway, the way the light outlined her form captivated me.

Frame 15. Mr Statter - my art teacher

Mr Statter - Art teacher
Originally uploaded by No end insight

As we wend our way thru life we glance against other people. Occasionally we join their orbit for a while and their direction affects ours - sometimes many years later. Mr Statter is such a man. He was my art teacher at secondary school. This photo was taken somewhere between 1979 and 1981 when I was 17 or 18. As a child I was troubled - tho I didn't really know it and certainly didn't understand it. I mucked about a lot. It was all a mask.....tho I did do and say plenty of rather funny things. My home and family life wasn't great - not as bad as some, but not ideal either. So, maybe I sought refuge at school, to get away from home. Art was an oasis of calm, creativity and understanding. That was my home. Mr Statter taught me for 7 years and encouraged me throughout. Although I did well enough to get an A Level grade C, I could have got a grade A if I had tried harder. I could and indeed should have gone to art college - something Mr Statter and I regretted for many many years. For, after 28 years I found and dropped in on Mr Statter or David as I can now call him, only yesterday. I found him via the internet. For some time I had wondered if he had ever wondered about what happened to all those children he taught. For some reason I thought I owed him the debt of knowing that I had, eventually after 28 years, decided to be an artist.

Would he remember or even care about me?

Yes and yes. He remembered me as he opened the door and invited me in immediately. We chatted for 2hrs, caught up on 28 years, looked at each others work and drank tea - well this is England you know! But what really struck me was him saying that I was one of the most gifted students he had ever taught in his 18 years of teaching art. I was flabbergasted. I had never expected to hear that and wasn't prepared for it. I felt awkward and honoured all at the same time. Over the last 24hrs it has sunk in and now I feel more determined than ever to make it as an artist.

He was so happy that I was creating again and urged me not to stop.

My debt was paid but as is sometimes the way, I had got a greater gift than that I had intended to give: the knowledge that someone did care and still does.......

Frame 13. "There's Someone Driving..."

Driving.

There are many definitions but the one that interests me at the moment is driving as an ambition, a force, an urge to fulfil.

Today I am painting a new work of art. Yesterday I painted, the day before that, the same. The day before that, you guessed it, I painted. What is is that drives me?  Well, I have noted how my drive changes over the course of a painting. In the planning stage I am excited. When the painting is outlined on the canvas, my excitement rises a little. When painting starts proper, my excitement wanes as I start to see the enormity of the task and any pitfalls come to the fore.  I battle on and at some point the battle transforms into drive. I have a definite desire to complete the project, an almost unstoppable desire to see it through to completion. Thats the drive and it means I paint for days on end. Its tiring of course and I feel knackered but carry on regardless. Normally after 4-5 days I need to rest or I get burnt out. This drive is a strange feeling. I think of little else. 

Above is a photo taken in Eltham, SE London. All the ducks were swimming on the water as the Lemon Jellys sang. There was a film of green covering the surface of the moat and in the middle sat two ducks - perfect photo material.